The Watchman diaries 1.0

Monday, 28th May, 2012

06:06 am

Where did my neem tooth brush (datoon) go?

06:19 am

Oh shit, forgot to check the water tank. 6th floor old man will yell at me today. His son does not treat him well, so he takes the anger out on me. hmmph.

06:30 am

*washing cars* *exchanges pleasantries with newspaper guy*

07:22 am

"what? they have bought a big car last month only, but can't pay your milk bill on time. Big people I tell you."

08:30 am

*still washing cars* *radio playing on mobile phone loudspeaker*

09:05 am

Let me return Gupta sir's keys first, he must be getting ready to leave for work. Big people, time is money for them. "Good mawrning saab" *bright smile that would ensure a healthy tip from Gupta sir this weekend*

10:33 am

"No sorry, no salesmen allowed in this building. Read the board. Secretary will take my ass, you try some other building. I am in-charge here."

11:09 am

"LIFT BAND KARO, LIIIFTTT, LIIIFT" (shut the lift door) "FFFFFUUUUUU"

11:32 am

"Kuthe jaychaa ?" (where are you going?) "Entry karaa" (make an entry)

12:36 pm

*Chewing tobacco and socialising with second shift watchman and watchman from neighbouring building*

01:12 pm

Lunch with 2nd floor Gupta sir's driver. Excited to know about Gupta sir's son from America. Big people.

02:14 pm

"Kuthe jaychaa ?" (where are you going?) "Entry karaa" (make an entry) *radio on mobile phone loudspeaker*

03:00 pm

Tea with 7th floor Mrs. Kulkarni's servant. Must learn how to change ringtone on my mobile phone.

03:30 pm

Listens to Radio on mobile phone. *chews tobacco*

03:33 pm

"LIFT BAND KARO, LIIIFTTT, LIIIFT" (shut the lift door) "FFFFFUUUUUU"

03:36 pm

"Lift band karo, Lift!" (shut the lift door) *takes the stairs* This is so annoying. Must be Mrs. Kulkarni. Talks on big phone, drives big car, but still does not know how to operate the lift.

03:45 pm

Someone should tell this Gupta sir's daughter to stop wearing such short dresses, she thinks she is Kareena Kapoor. At such young age she is like this, god save this country.

04:00 pm

zzzzzz

04:40 pm

Mrs. Kulkarni's dog is a nuisance. This is not my work. I am a secrooty guard, not a dog-walker. I will talk to secretary's son tonight when he returns from work.

06:30 pm

*yells at kids and throws the cricket ball back at them*

07:00 pm

Tea with second shift watchman, and watchman from other building.

07:50 pm

*checks water tanks*

08:00 pm

End of day. Must go and recharge my phone, and call the missus. Babu (Gupta sir's driver) was talking about some storm in north India.

09:00 pm

Out of the security uniform. *chewing tobacco, socialising with second shift watchmen, flashing smiles at building people*

10:00 pm

*lights mosquito coil* *radio on mobile phone loudspeaker*

11:00 pm

zzzz

OMG Bollywood Facts.

Bipasha Basu is a man. His real name is Bhupesh Basu.

Hollywood director Gore Verbinski had offered Sonam Kapoor a role in The Ring, but after being told that she will have to crawl out of a well and strangle people to death, she declined.

A study has revealed that every time a Vidya Balan movie releases, the consolidated quarterly net sales of women's clothes in Big Bazaar outlets increases by 47%

The length of the great wall of China is to humans that the the length of Kajol's unibrow is to mosquitoes.

Manufacturers of injectable cosmetics such as botox and dermal fillers from around the world come to India every year to make Simi Garewal try their new products before launching them

Backward masking of the famous Tezaab song "ek do teen.." reveals that the song may be about the number 39. 39 is a multiple of 13 which is the last number in the lyrics of the song (barah.. tera, tera karoon gin gin gin ke..). 39 also happens to be Madhuri Dixit Nene's waistline in inches.

Globally, Surfboard designers consider the collective length of Sonakshi Sinha and Rihanna's foreheads as the standard width of a Surfboard.

After a group of scientists watched Rakesh Roshan's Krrish, NASA put a micro-chip in Hritik Roshan's sixth finger that can send signals out into space and connect with extraterrestrial life on other planets.

When Priyanka Chopra was in college, professors used to demonstrate a human camouflage to art students by making her stand in front of the blackboard during lectures.