Marriage, or an abnormal Dopamine Receptor Signal.

My best friend recently got married. I will, of course, not mention her name here for obvious reasons. But I got a brief account of all events that occurred before the wedding since I am the best friend and I also fit in to an advisory role and occasionally became the shoulder to cry on. Oh' the horrors of accepting this idea called "Arranged Marriage". When you go through it.. eventually, Arranged marriages become as much a culture shock to you as love marriage seems to your parents (atleast to the ones that dont approve of it). One of the things she would repeatedly say, while crying over the phone "I had never thought it would happen to me.. like this"

Background: She was in the states, and in a live-in relationship for over a year before she realized the guy was not the right one (since, he couldn’t commit to a future, or marriage and stuff or talk to his parents about her) and so she dumped him and finally succumbed to the parental pressure to get married at what I felt was a rather young age. Yes, 24 is young if you are a woman, and even younger if you are a guy, considering that it is between the ages 26-30 that guys get really horny and would make love to anything that comes their way* (*citation needed of course). Initially it started off with the break-up, then there were lots of tears, and finally the parental pressure that led to the "this-world-is-cruel-my-life-sucks-I-just-want-to-die-or-runaway" phase. But like all other Indian women, she quietly slipped in and became a part of this institution called Marriage. It wasn’t easy to get through this though. And to an extent, i feel guilty for talking her into accepting it at times. But at that time, it seemed like the only, and maybe best possible solution.

So here’s a short description of how it all happened.

1) Brain-Storming and Ideation – Here the parents approached her, cajoled and groomed her into accepting the idea of marriage. This period lasted for over 3 months. With lots of arguments, drunk evenings and late night fights with the Parents. Imagine giving your dog a bath for the first time. yes, that. But the parents won. They always do. This is the same thing your boss does most of the time, like talking you into doing something for him/ her. You know you don’t really have a choice, but fight you may.

2) Market Research – Second stage kicks in once the victim has accepted her fate and agreed to walk around the fire. Here the parents were "out there" looking for prospective boys for their daughter. Sources included a) Over inquisitive close relatives, b) Sindhi match maker aunties who get people married for blessings and a small (undisclosed) gift, c) Close family friends, d) Shaadi.com, Jeevansaathi.com, Bharathmatrimony.com etc.

3) Collating Data - Here all gathered information from the above mentioned sources is put together and segregated in an orderly manner so the victim can easily access it, and decide who she will spend the rest of her sodding life with. Imagine making a 80 slide Power point presentation to sell your product to your client. Yes, the equivalent of that.

4) Short-listing – So after finding highly educated double post grads who have studied in America and worked everywhere else in the world but India, the prospective ones were selected based on how wealthy the families are, and then they narrowed down the list and eliminated some of the boys (mostly based on the their Facebook profile, not-so-charming looks and Father’s bank balance)

5) First draft – Photos were presented to my friend. She had to look at the photographs, visit their Linkdin, Facebook, Orkut, and Hi5 profiles, and decide whether she’d like to meet the boy (see: 6. the Pitch) or not. So she brought the list further down to two prospective boys. Being the best friend, my approval was obviously taken. After scrolling through their public profile on LinkdIn and a few phone calls to people who might know him, it was finally down to one boy. Engineer – MBA – MSC. Total win.

6) The Pitch – The meeting was set up on a Sunday afternoon at his bungalow in Juhu. The guy seemed "okay" to my friend when they met for the first time. She said "he was sweet, kept asking me if I was comfortable, and even offered me Ice-tea". While the parents spoke about how many trips they make to Europe in a year, who designed their living room curtains and exchanged other pleasantries, my friend and the engineer – MBA – MSC were asked to go on a drive. Both put their best foot forward, spoke about their life plans and mutually decided that this CAN work out. So basically, it was a “yes”.

7) Social Networking – First thing now, is to add each other on facebook and Gtalk, without which we can no longer survive in this cruel world. So they added each other on Gtalk, and got to know each other a little more. Our boy seemed quite flirtatious on the internet, but not as much in person. But words carry lot of weight. In a few chat conversations and Skype sessions, here is where they finally fell in love. On Skype. And the Facebook tagged pics added to the "feeling" of course.

8) Deliverables - This was strictly between the parents. But of what i could gather, there was a formidable amount of numbers involved. Also, a Honda City was presented as a gift to the boy by the best friend's father. How sweet. I'm assuming this was predecided at this stage before the wedding.

9) Final cut – After a million and one Gtalk, Skype and Facebook interactions, dinner meetings, coffee shop rendezvous’ finally both parties in question met again and decided the engagement and wedding dates. Im sure they also discussed who will pay for what and such. But that's it.

Drum roll.

And another one bites the dust.

Tonight my best friend is happily married. And like a million other married women, trying hard to shape the guy into being her ideal husband. Hopefully, someday she will succeed. Even if she doesn't, she'll pretend to be happy. That's what our society teaches us anyway. And then they will soon make babies, and also force me to get married every time I meet them, so they can spread the happy disease.. but that’s a different story altogether. All this is really sweet, especially considering that without the internet, this thing called love would have never bloomed between them as easily as it did. So, marriages maybe made in heaven; but they are certainly arranged on the Internet!